flower musical notes

Somewhere between the notes, there was life

A personal take on what led me to letting go to Creative Humans, the painful points of the process and how I found my creative purpose in a new direction.

There’s something really beautiful I heard once from Yoyo Ma talking about in an interview and it was that “music happens between the notes”. It has been staying with me ever since and maybe that’s because I see the world in the same way. Sure, he was talking about music and composition, but… was he, though?

The pin-points in life are there, of course, to give us direction, but the way we sway between them gives us a reason to breathe.

Changed trajectory and stillness

Between this day and the last day that I published anything in these pages, a lot of life has happened. A lot of self-doubt, a lot of thinking and overthinking and not-enough-thinking, a decent amount of fear, but most of all, there was a big fat love that just asked me for a little patience. And let me tell you, none of the negative vibes – which, in my mind, they translated into “creative block” – were strong enough to keep fighting with my big fat love and my everlearning spirit.

So I had patience. I stood still.

I had to stop running towards “gaining my creativity back” and pursuing a path that no longer felt like it was mine. I had to stop, take a look around, take a look inside. I had to accept that I needed to let go of the plans I had before and start thinking how I could be of more and better service to who I am today.

The pain and gain of letting go

Creative Humans, my former writing project, was slowly distancing itself from me. Or maybe it was the other way around. It almost felt impersonal at some point. Don’t get me wrong, everything I’ve written and the people whose stories I told on Creative Humans were my blessing. My creative fuel. My starting point. Which is why you’ll still be able to read them on this website.

After a while, however, I felt inspiration coming short on me. Nothing that I started writing after the last piece was published ever came to a finality. No other interviews were coming to life, because I wasn’t sure what Creative Humans was anymore to me. And it hurt a bit, because I thought we were in this for the long haul. Turns out…poof.

Therefore, I had to change direction. I needed a new melody to my song.

At first, I honestly felt guilt for letting go of something that wasn’t even mature enough or worked on enough. I felt guilt for not putting in more work first and see if it will revive itself under my words, before saying farewell and starting something new.

Later on, after the decision was made, I came up with different explanations to the people close to me on why I wanna change the name, change the looks of the website – which, at the time, felt legitimate. Truth is I never put into words what I’ve been feeling about this whole change until right this moment, that I’m writing this piece.

In the process of change, I realized that this is what maturing feels like. Knowing when to step away from something that no longer serves you and continue growing in all your natural beauty. For you and only you.

And look at that… somewhere between the notes, I have discovered an unexplored universe, where everything made sense again and I felt at home.

Here, at LAUREL, I finally feel at home.

Finally, I hope you join me in this new journey and play this tune together, learn together. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I want you to know that it’s okay to let go and start again. You have everything you need to make that change right there in your heart.

Love,

Ralu

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